It can be alarming for a parent when they suspect that perhaps their daughter might be gay. Even if you are typically open minded about lifestyles you might find yourself hoping that your suspicions are wrong. This is often because regardless of the changing world, you know in your heart that anything outside the social norms is simply a harder road to walk down.
Just because she doesn’t take a shine to a beautiful crystal necklace that would have been perfect for her three years ago doesn’t mean that she has turned some corner on her sexuality. Rather, it could be an innocent desire to scale down and become more natural. Don’t leap to conclusions too readily.
Just because she wears girls sweatshirts that announce her preference for girl power doesn’t mean that she is into girls romantically. There are all kinds of clothes out there that show the world that girls have more power than ever. Gender pride is not the same as gender identity issues.
Not all girls take a shine to jewelry sets, even if they loved them just two years ago. Even if she is shopping for boy’s clothes all of a sudden doesn’t necessarily mean that she is starting to prefer girls over boys. In many cases she might just be looking for a way to deal with her changing body and feel like she is still averting the developmental stages that can be awkward.
It’s not uncommon for parents to believe that their daughter is developing sexually in a way that they are simply not used to. Allowing a daughter to develop on her own terms is important. While there are some more obvious ‘looks’ that girls create when they are feeling their own draw toward the same sex, it can be hard for a parent to know without simply asking.
It’s a good idea to talk about the potential for being gay, but not in a harmful way. Remember that if you ask the question you’re going to need to be able to deal with the answer in an effective and healthy way. Just because you don’t want it doesn’t mean you can change it. Girls who are actually gay and are dissuaded from their preference tend to have three times the heterosexual risk for drug, alcohol, and self abuse.
It is very hard to think that your daughter is walking a path that you’re not entirely comfortable with. Even open and affirming parents often have a hard time truly accepting that their daughter might be gay. Give her the time to figure out her own path and just let her know that you love her. She is not completely defined by sexuality in one way or another. She is much more than her choice of partner.